I am Strong. I am Not Perfect. I am Willing to Try. I am Open-Minded. I am Flawed. I am Loved. I am Full of Potential. I am Gifted. I am Not Believing the Hype. I am Facinating. I am Woman.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Who Am I...

My Mother passed on June 3rd...peacefully at home. Hospice...was there to take care of hugging me and helping get Mom ready to be taken to the funeral home. It was tough the last 2 months when we finally got hospice, because we had no critical care nurses to relieve me and I was on 24/7. I just tried to keep her happy and comfortable. We said everything we needed to say to each other...a lot of love there, I am so grateful for that opportunity...I did not have that with my Dad, who passed unepectedly. This has been the most painful, yet insightful, journey in my life. I would do it all over again...even though it took it's toll on me physically and mentally. I will never be the same Suzi...hopefully a better Suzi...one who doesn't have the time or energy to waste on toxic people. I am ridding those from my life and now I need to look deeply into my soul and find me again. This recovery period will be a difficult one since Mom and I were like 2 peas in a pod...I keep finding that I want to call her or just see her there and tell her things...then I remember she isn't physically there. I miss her so much...and I stayed in her bed with her until they came to take her to the funeral home. I wanted to apply her make-up. It was so peaceful and helped me...like a final gift I could give her.


  1. This mirrors both my mothers and father's passing almost 9 and 11 years ago respectivly. Both wanted to stay at home, with the family around. My dad passed peacefully while I was sitting with him, rest of family in the house. We sat around with him, talked, held his hand, for about an hour before we called for the ambulance, and all his children walked him out to the street. My mom chose to go off her chemo because she was in so much pain. We had a week with her to talk, for her to give her treasures to who she wished to get them, and again, we were all there when she passed. We miss them both terribly,but feel that we were able to see them off the way they wanted, and had a chance to say our goodbyes. Bless you and treasure your memories.

  2. Hi Suzi
    Sorry for my bad english.
    I am so sorry for your loss. The words you just wrote are the same words I wrote almost 2 years ago when my daddy passed away. Your mom isn't there physically, but believe me she IS there and doesn't want you to be too sad.These difficult times make you grow up and you are very right, don't waste time on toxic people.
    I hope your "recovery" will be smooth in the loving memory of your mom.
    Take care

  3. Sweet Suzi, there is nothing I can say to ease your hurt. All I can tell you is that you are in my thoughts. You are a strong lady. The hurt will get easier as time goes by, but you will carry your memories with you forever. Your mother will be with you always. She is in your heart, Suzi. Talk to her... it helps. I still talk to my brother all the time. I know he hears me... he just doesn't answer.
    Sending many hugs and thoughts your way, Suzi.
    audrey ♥♥♥

  4. I am so sorry, Suzi. No words can fill that empty space right now, but what a gift you were able to give her in her passing. Take care of yourself as lovingly as you took care of her and as she would take care of you.

  5. You all are precious with these wonderful words of inspiration. I am recovering, but not well, my friends sayI am too skinny, and it hasruined some relationships that were close to my heart...not being able to handle to be there for me when I most needed it and left me because they said everything seemed to be a crisis in my life after she died...I am going thru a roughdivorce that started last Oct and could take a year...and dealing withMom's estate, which she left to me ,and selling two houses that I own and selling estate items and going thru everything, by myself, with no one to help me....and I gave up school and job prospects to come and live with Mom for over 14 months and yet, some people you think have your back, end up stabbing you there...and it really hurts. I did what I needed and wanted to do , and would do it again...I talk to her and Daddy...they are there...and we will all be together one day...But I am planning to be painting at 100 yrs old!!! love you all, xoxoxox